Valentine's Day Improvement Pill

Posted in Relationships, Self Improvement on 10th February 2020

With Valentine's Day around the corner, love is in the air. Couples will profess their undying love for one another. There'll be chocolates and roses and plenty of proposals. Single people at this time might feel a twinge of regret seeing this display and celebration of love all around them.

They might consider getting into a relationship just for the sake of not being alone on Valentine's Day. And that, quite frankly, is a very big mistake on their part.

This Valentine's Day single or not, there's one thing you can do to improve your life. Improve yourself.

Sounds simple enough but what do I mean exactly?
 
Most people have a very great fear of being alone. The thought of being alone is something they can't deal with and for that reason alone they get into relationships.

This is wrong on several levels. First, because you got into a relationship just for the sake of not being alone, you did not check the compatibility you had with the other person. And if there were any issues, you glossed over them due to your fear of loneliness.
 
That sets up the relationship to be doomed from the start. If you don't agree on the core values and ideals and are always at conflict with one another, there is no way you can sustain a long term successful relationship.

Second, by getting into a relationship just to avoid loneliness, you deny yourself the chance to improve yourself. You become complacent knowing that you are no longer alone and do not work to be a better you.

The way forward would be to first accept the fact that you come into this world alone and you shall leave it alone. You will build relationships and friendships along the journey but at the end of the day, it is your journey. Yours and yours alone.

Once you embrace the fact that it is your journey alone, you can look to being the best version of yourself. Taking care of your health, learning new things, meeting new people and experiencing life. Getting better all the time, embracing the fact that it is your journey and acknowledging that you will walk this road alone. With help and support from others but it is your walk.

So when the right person does come along, you are a better person than you were before. Since you do not fear being alone, you can truly evaluate if they match your core ideals and values. You can see them for who they are and whether the two of you can build a successful relationship.

You must never become so dependent on someone that you forget about yourself, your values, your ideals and your goals. That sounds a bit selfish but the truth is if you give up what is important to you, you die inside a little bit. You hold a grudge in your mind against the other person, which ultimately poisons the relationship.
 
You must look after yourself before you can give your best to someone else. I'll take the analogy of air hostesses. Whenever there's an emergency, the cabin crew are trained to put an oxygen mask on themselves first. You can only help others if you yourself are in a healthy state first.

Similarly you can only give your best to the relationship when you've taken the time to take care of yourself first.

Love and companionship is a beautiful thing when done the right way. Love and respect yourself enough to know that you can only be happy in a relationship, when you are first happy and content with yourself.
 
This Valentine's Day instead of moping around and feeling sad, take the step of improving yourself and becoming better. Being comfortable being by yourself and improving so that you can live life the way you want- whether that's being single or being in a relationship.

Summary 

I don't expect you to remember everything you've just read. Here's what you need to take away from this article.

1. You might be tempted to get into a relationship just because you see other people in relationships or because you feel lonely.
2. The idea that being in a relationship will make you happy is inherently wrong. You must first be happy with yourself as an individual.
3. You should therefore work on improving yourself.
4. When you improve yourself and are content with yourself, you have a better chance of succeeding in any new relationship.

Action steps

To avoid this becoming just another article you read, feel motivated about for a minute before doing absolutely nothing, here's a list of steps to convert your motivated thoughts into solid action. This is by far the most important part. If you don't do this, it's as good as not having read the article.

Remember, knowing something and not taking action is the same as not knowing. Follow these steps to make sure that reading this article wasn't a complete waste of time.

1. If you are single, embrace that fact instead of moping around and being gloomy.
2. Take the time to pick up a habit that will help you be better, like exercising daily.
3. Start slow and practice your habit everyday.
4. Continue to practice and learn new things along the way.
5. When you consistently do the right things every day, you will become a better version of yourself.
6. Keep working on yourself so that if the right person comes along, you'll be at your best.
7. Remember, the goal isn't to get into a relationship. It's to be the best version of you. And if someone does come along who you feel aligns with your values, then go for it.